Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Getting My Heart Back Into It
I have found that my major weakness, or flaw, or de-railer, whatever you want to call it... is when there's a major negative event involving my family. My last post told you all about the stress and misery that surrounded my daughter's 1st birthday party. That week at Weight Watchers, I found out that I gained a little bit, but I got right back on track. I'm still being lazy as all hell about tracking. I'm not counting my points everyday, I haven't been taking my vitamins, BUT I am still trying to make healthier food choices. I was nervous at the meeting tonight because last week I skipped my meeting entirely to do schoolwork, and then at the end of the week I found out one of my family members had a heart attack. Stress and shock... not a good combination for weight loss... My food choices were not always healthy ones. I'm a stress eater, guilty as charged. Luckily I was pleasantly surprised at my meeting. I'm losing weight again, slowly, but I'm losing.
To be honest, the heart attack really freaked me out. I have heart disease on both sides of my family, but it's not something that's ever really been talked about. I think that at this point everyone in my family has yo-yoed with their weight, we all have our bad habits, and as far as I know nobody is really exercising. Everyone is either fighting other health problems or has a stressful job, and nobody is taking the time to take care of themselves. We all love food, fun and to have a few good laughs... there are some smokers, and the occasional drinkers... some of us love our jobs, others absolutely hate them, and some wish that they had a job at all. I love everyone in my family dearly, those in the immediate family and those in my extended family, BUT... I've got a bone to pick with all of you... We ALL need to take better care of ourselves!
I started this weight loss journey to get back down to a healthy weight of course, but it's a lot more than that. I need to change all of the bad habits that got me here in the first place, but I am terrified that my efforts right now are just too little too late. Who's to say I haven't already done major damage to my heart? Could it be that my bad habits are already SO engrained in my brain that I won't really change for life? As always I have a ton of self doubt, and because of this I am my own worst enemy. Even though I've lost a small amount over the last couple of weeks, I'm still losing, I should be happy... but I never really enjoy it because I know that I could be doing a hell of a lot more.
Then at the meeting tonight the topic was, "Be Your Own Best Friend." It's almost as if God knew that I needed a major pep talk, and there it was... I need to quit picking on myself and acting like what I'm doing is not enough. I have taken the first steps to a healthier lifestyle by joining Weight Watchers, by joining the YMCA, by setting a good example for my daughter. Now obviously I'm not perfect :-) Nobody is... but dang it I'm learning, and I sure as hell am trying. Once I start my regular weekly schedule with this new job, I think it will be a lot easier for me to schedule time at the gym and to schedule my "me time." I do need to get back into the habit of tracking what I'm eating. Since I am such a visual person, I bought myself "motivation stickers" to put onto our calendar for when I remember my vitamin, remember to track my food, and when I get the required amount of daily exercise.
For my heart's sake, for my health's sake, for my life's sake and the sake of my family, I HAVE to stay on track and keep this up. I am setting a great example for everyone, and I should be damn proud of that. Dan, Melanie and I are all eating healthier (of course, Mellie was to begin with), we're exercising more, and our general quality of life is better. I can only hope that I serve as an inspiration for everyone else in my family, because I do love everyone and want you all to be healthy :-)
To be honest, the heart attack really freaked me out. I have heart disease on both sides of my family, but it's not something that's ever really been talked about. I think that at this point everyone in my family has yo-yoed with their weight, we all have our bad habits, and as far as I know nobody is really exercising. Everyone is either fighting other health problems or has a stressful job, and nobody is taking the time to take care of themselves. We all love food, fun and to have a few good laughs... there are some smokers, and the occasional drinkers... some of us love our jobs, others absolutely hate them, and some wish that they had a job at all. I love everyone in my family dearly, those in the immediate family and those in my extended family, BUT... I've got a bone to pick with all of you... We ALL need to take better care of ourselves!
I started this weight loss journey to get back down to a healthy weight of course, but it's a lot more than that. I need to change all of the bad habits that got me here in the first place, but I am terrified that my efforts right now are just too little too late. Who's to say I haven't already done major damage to my heart? Could it be that my bad habits are already SO engrained in my brain that I won't really change for life? As always I have a ton of self doubt, and because of this I am my own worst enemy. Even though I've lost a small amount over the last couple of weeks, I'm still losing, I should be happy... but I never really enjoy it because I know that I could be doing a hell of a lot more.
Then at the meeting tonight the topic was, "Be Your Own Best Friend." It's almost as if God knew that I needed a major pep talk, and there it was... I need to quit picking on myself and acting like what I'm doing is not enough. I have taken the first steps to a healthier lifestyle by joining Weight Watchers, by joining the YMCA, by setting a good example for my daughter. Now obviously I'm not perfect :-) Nobody is... but dang it I'm learning, and I sure as hell am trying. Once I start my regular weekly schedule with this new job, I think it will be a lot easier for me to schedule time at the gym and to schedule my "me time." I do need to get back into the habit of tracking what I'm eating. Since I am such a visual person, I bought myself "motivation stickers" to put onto our calendar for when I remember my vitamin, remember to track my food, and when I get the required amount of daily exercise.
For my heart's sake, for my health's sake, for my life's sake and the sake of my family, I HAVE to stay on track and keep this up. I am setting a great example for everyone, and I should be damn proud of that. Dan, Melanie and I are all eating healthier (of course, Mellie was to begin with), we're exercising more, and our general quality of life is better. I can only hope that I serve as an inspiration for everyone else in my family, because I do love everyone and want you all to be healthy :-)
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Celebrate the Victories!
Last week I went to my first Weight Watchers meeting since I returned from my trip to Florida. I was a bit nervous... 2 weeks away from home, not having all of my tools... So I went to the meeting to see what the scale told me. I knew that I had been eating healthier food while I was there. I did my best to eat the right portions without really measuring everything. Once in a while I splurged, but I never over-did it. We went swimming several times while I was there, so I did exercise...
...and it showed! I ended up losing 5.4 lbs while I was away! I lost not only another 5 lbs, which you get a sticker for, but also reached my first big goal! I've lost 5% of my total starting weight! It was such a wonderful feeling... not only did I lose weight, but I lost BIG and I did it on my own! If I keep this up, I'll reach my next goal before I know it :-) Look out 10%!
...and it showed! I ended up losing 5.4 lbs while I was away! I lost not only another 5 lbs, which you get a sticker for, but also reached my first big goal! I've lost 5% of my total starting weight! It was such a wonderful feeling... not only did I lose weight, but I lost BIG and I did it on my own! If I keep this up, I'll reach my next goal before I know it :-) Look out 10%!
Thursday, February 23, 2012
Little Goals vs. Big Goals
So last night at my Weight Watchers meeting, I'm proud to say that I lost another 1.4 lbs :-) This put me over the '5 lbs Lost' mark, and I got a sticker for my tracker! (What is it about stickers making you feel THAT much more accomplished? Must have started in childhood...) This wasn't originally a goal of mine, but I was still quite happy to reach this milestone. The first goal that I set for myself was to reach a '5% Loss' goal, which means losing 5% of my total body weight. I will reach this goal when I get down to 212 lbs.
Why start with such a small goal? Well... it's been my experience that when I set myself up with VERY high expectations, I am much more likely to fail. If I had started my Weight Watchers journey by saying, "I am going to lose 65 lbs!" then I can almost guarantee that I would have gotten frustrated and would have given up before ever reaching my ultimate goal. Why? Seriously, 65 lbs is a huge number! If I focused solely on that number, I would already be getting frustrated because I'm averaging -1.5 lbs each week. Too sloooooow, right? Wrong. From a health standpoint, and WW tells us, we should be losing .5-2 lbs per week. That's the "healthy way to lose weight." Of course in my brain I want it all gone NOW. I want to be the curvy but toned size 12 that I was when I was 20... but I have to remind myself that I didn't gain all of this weight overnight. I didn't gain it all at once, and I'm going to take it off in the same manner in which it came on... gradually.
As lame as it sounds, getting that little sticker last night gave me a real boost of energy and pride. I felt like, "wow! I AM doing this right!" With every little goal I reach, it's validation that I am doing it right, that I AM ready for this journey, that I CAN reach my ultimate goal. So little by little, step by step, I will come closer to that 155-160 lbs range that I want to reach so badly. Next is another 5 lbs so that I can reach that 5% weight loss goal! I'm so close that I can taste it! (How many points would that be? hehe)
Why start with such a small goal? Well... it's been my experience that when I set myself up with VERY high expectations, I am much more likely to fail. If I had started my Weight Watchers journey by saying, "I am going to lose 65 lbs!" then I can almost guarantee that I would have gotten frustrated and would have given up before ever reaching my ultimate goal. Why? Seriously, 65 lbs is a huge number! If I focused solely on that number, I would already be getting frustrated because I'm averaging -1.5 lbs each week. Too sloooooow, right? Wrong. From a health standpoint, and WW tells us, we should be losing .5-2 lbs per week. That's the "healthy way to lose weight." Of course in my brain I want it all gone NOW. I want to be the curvy but toned size 12 that I was when I was 20... but I have to remind myself that I didn't gain all of this weight overnight. I didn't gain it all at once, and I'm going to take it off in the same manner in which it came on... gradually.
As lame as it sounds, getting that little sticker last night gave me a real boost of energy and pride. I felt like, "wow! I AM doing this right!" With every little goal I reach, it's validation that I am doing it right, that I AM ready for this journey, that I CAN reach my ultimate goal. So little by little, step by step, I will come closer to that 155-160 lbs range that I want to reach so badly. Next is another 5 lbs so that I can reach that 5% weight loss goal! I'm so close that I can taste it! (How many points would that be? hehe)
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Give Yourself a Pat on the Back
One of the problems that I've ALWAYS had is being my own worst critic. I pick and pick at myself, and I never give myself the proper credit when I do things really well. One of my missions on my Weight Watchers journey is to learn to give myself a pat on the back when I reach my goals and when I make good choices. Today is one of those days. I've done very well all week about eating my points every day, and I've only used 9 flex points all week. On top of that, I decided to go to the YMCA with just me and Melanie while Dan was in class. Normally I hate going out alone with the baby because of the extra stuff and just not liking being alone with a baby... BUT I got us both ready, got in the car, got lost (lol) but still found my way to the gym. Melanie had a great time in the babysitting room, and I really enjoyed the Zumba class :-)
So here's a big pat on the back for me... I am taking baby steps towards my healthier lifestyle :-) Fitness classes at the Y... check!
So here's a big pat on the back for me... I am taking baby steps towards my healthier lifestyle :-) Fitness classes at the Y... check!
Sunday, February 5, 2012
How To Be a "Fatty" on Weight Watchers
Super Bowl Sunday... an American tradition where we all enjoy, or pretend to enjoy, watching the two best American football teams face one another while the rest of us chow down on party food and evaluate the newest commercials on TV. I'm a huge football fan, and since we moved to Boston I have firmly embraced my family's love of the Patriots. Rather than having a party like I had in many years past, Dan and I stayed home with the baby and we decided to try to make our own Weight Watchers versions of, "absolutely delicious, but totally bad for you" Super Bowl party food. I am proud to say that we succeeded :-)
During my meeting on Wednesday, one of the big discussions was how to wisely use your points on Sunday (Super Bowl Sunday). Some people were using all of their flex points to pig out for the big game. Others said they would eat light during the beginning of the day and just eat a little bit of party food. Dan and I decided to eat on the light side for lunch and to try a couple of Weight Watchers recipes for our "party." Lucky for us we found recipes for Beef Nachos and a Chili Party Dip. I can definitely say that, 1) both recipes were DELICIOUS, 2) both filled me up, and 3) I did not feel deprived AT ALL. Dan and I were unable to finish the Chili Party Dip during the second half of the game... soooo tasty! The best part... I only used 1 flex point for the entire day! I ate like a fatty, and I mean that with love. It didn't taste like "diet food." It was the "oh so delicious but must be fattening as all hell" taste without all the points.
My first week on the Weight Watchers program isn't even over yet, and I feel like I've learned so much already. I'm already starting to think about ways to change my old recipes so that they're healthier for you, but still absolutely delicious. When you really think about it, it's actually pretty simple to do that. You just have to exchange certain ingredients and experiment with your flavors. Tonight was definitely proof. I uploaded pictures of the deliciousness to my Twitter account in case you are curious, and I'll include links to the recipes :-) Enjoy, food lovers! (I know I did!)
Chili Party Dip and Beef Nachos
During my meeting on Wednesday, one of the big discussions was how to wisely use your points on Sunday (Super Bowl Sunday). Some people were using all of their flex points to pig out for the big game. Others said they would eat light during the beginning of the day and just eat a little bit of party food. Dan and I decided to eat on the light side for lunch and to try a couple of Weight Watchers recipes for our "party." Lucky for us we found recipes for Beef Nachos and a Chili Party Dip. I can definitely say that, 1) both recipes were DELICIOUS, 2) both filled me up, and 3) I did not feel deprived AT ALL. Dan and I were unable to finish the Chili Party Dip during the second half of the game... soooo tasty! The best part... I only used 1 flex point for the entire day! I ate like a fatty, and I mean that with love. It didn't taste like "diet food." It was the "oh so delicious but must be fattening as all hell" taste without all the points.
My first week on the Weight Watchers program isn't even over yet, and I feel like I've learned so much already. I'm already starting to think about ways to change my old recipes so that they're healthier for you, but still absolutely delicious. When you really think about it, it's actually pretty simple to do that. You just have to exchange certain ingredients and experiment with your flavors. Tonight was definitely proof. I uploaded pictures of the deliciousness to my Twitter account in case you are curious, and I'll include links to the recipes :-) Enjoy, food lovers! (I know I did!)
Chili Party Dip and Beef Nachos
Saturday, February 4, 2012
I was very lucky to have a few days off in a row this week, but today I returned to work for a long 8 hour shift. Normally I work shorter shifts during the week, so today I had to plan my meals ahead of time. I was excited about being here for lunch hour; I typically miss being part of the "lunch club" during the week because I leave at 12:00pm. Today, however, I got to have lunch with my boss, and he had a hankering for McDonald's (cue dramatic music! Dun dun duuuuun!). Weight Watchers and McDonald's... doesn't seem like it should work... BUT thanks to my e-tools, I was able to go online and figure out what would work with my "points budget" and the dinner I had brought to work with me. A grilled chicken sandwich, no mayo, and a small french fry... 15 points. Totally doable when taking into a count my low point breakfast and low point dinner.
So my boss went on his merry way and got his Big Mac and fries, and I discovered when he returned that they got my order wrong... again... This McDonald's is notorious for almost always getting one or more aspects of your order wrong. Poor guy felt so bad, he was ready to walk all the way back McDonald's to get me the right sandwich... I got a fried chicken sandwich instead of grilled. You wouldn't think that something that minute would make a huge difference, but it does! Having a fried chicken breast instead of grilled adds 3 points! I told him not to worry about it because i knew that my points for the day would still work out okay. I'm so glad that I planned ahead and brought a lower point dinner. I figured that lunch would be heavier since I would be eating out, and we have apples to snack on should I get hungry after dinner.
Let this be a lesson... it pays to plan ahead, and it's good to research the restaurant you plan to dine at so you know how your points will fall :-)
Friday February 3, 2012
Starting My Weight Watchers Journey
I am very proud of myself this week, for a lot of reasons. On Wednesday night, I attended my first ever Weight Watchers meeting. I was a little nervous walking in, I guess because it was a new experience, but I walked in with a smile and an open mind. I got my registration verified and walked up to the scale... (and I'll be brave and share my details with you)... my official weight was 223.4 lbs. Ouch. Not a number that I'm proud of, to be honest. I was 217 lbs when I delivered my daughter in March of 2011. That was a 27 lb weight gain for my entire pregnancy. I could make excuses and cry about it... I was ALMOST down to my start weight, and then BAM, life happened!... The truth of the matter is that my pregnancy is not to blame for me being overweight. I've been overweight for a while now. Now I can say that I'm proud of myself because I'm going to change it :-) Weight Watchers is Step 1.
Step 2 was getting a gym membership. I mean, I have to be more active if I want to love the weight and keep it off, right? Lucky for me my husband is also totally supportive and on board with my mission to create a healthier family lifestyle. We decided that we would get a family membership at our local YMCA. What a GREAT facility! They have free childcare for Melanie for when Dan and I go to the gym, which was a VERY important item on our checklist. There are 2 pools, a huge weight room, cardio area, indoor track, basketball courts, group exercise classes... everything I could possibly want to get to my fitness goals.
Step 3 was to take what I've started learning at Weight Watchers and apply it to everyday life. Yesterday Dan and I decided to go out for lunch while we were doing all of our errands, so I accessed the web on my phone and found the best option for my lunch at TGI Friday's. After lunch was a much needed trip to the grocery store... and my goodness, was that an eye opener! Dan and I were both really surprised about how some of the points broke down. You really do start to think about food in a whole new way. Dinner last night was delicious :-) HUGE portions, but very reasonable points!
I know that having Dan on board is going to make my journey a lot easier. He doesn't really need to lose weight, lucky him, but he does want to work on his fitness level. Poor guy has a "philosopher's gut" and no real muscle to speak of, LOL. With us working as a team, I don't see how we could fail. I WILL get back down to a healthy weight, and Dan will get rid of his belly and build some muscle :-) Most importantly, we will both be setting a good example for Melanie. No more yo-yoing with the weight in this family. We're going to live the healthy lifestyle that we all deserve!
Our Family Christmas Picture (Mommy at 223 lbs)
Thursday, November 3, 2011
Up, Down... Up, Down... The Battle with My Mind and the Scale
Have you ever felt like your life was a roller coaster ride? Like one moment you're experiencing the greatest high of your life, and the next you're at the lowest point and just waiting anxiously for things to go back up? That's the way that I've felt for years. *Big revealing moment* Not everyone knows this, but I've struggled with depression on and off since I was in high school. Hard to believe it's been 10 years since I was first diagnosed. I attribute it to a number of things, not just one easy to identify cause. The last couple of years especially have had BIG highs and BIG lows. Since first being diagnosed I've been on different medications, I've tried natural remedies, and when I was exercising regularly I didn't feel the need to take anything. I don't know if everyone who's been treated for depression has experienced quite the same roller coaster that I've experienced, but I'd like to think that I'm not alone.
Being depressed sucks, lol, especially when you know that you have so much to be happy about. I have a beautiful baby girl that I love to death, a husband that absolutely adores me, and our family's in an exciting new city. Lots to be happy about... except I'm miserable. I miss my family and my friends every minute of every day, and since moving up here, I've physically felt like crap. My body's gone through a lot of changes in the last couple of years (yay for Melanie!), and the move just put more strain on my neck and my back. Things had gotten to the point where it was physically painful to pick up my own daughter.
I've had enough; I'm tired of feeling cruddy all the time, and in this entry I'm proud to say that I've started to take steps to improving things. I started my Biggest Loser page back in early or mid September before Season 12 of the show started. Since that entry, I've probably gained around another 10 lbs or so, bringing me close to the same weight I was when I delivered my daughter. I honestly don't know what my exact weight is because, like most overweight people, I hate my scale :-) But I'm trying to adopt a new philosophy inspired by a quote that I saw on Bob Harper's Facebook page the other day:
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For years now, I have been a huge fan of the show The Biggest Loser. I have seen people two and three times my size lose hundreds of pounds on this show, and it has always inspired me... inspired, but not motivated. My battle with my weight has been a roller coaster ride for almost 2 decades. When I started college, I did my mother proud. Rather than gain the evil Freshman 15, I actually lost around 30 lbs. in my freshman year. I attribute that success to a better diet (believe it, or not), more exercise, and just generally being happier. My sophomore year I lost another 15 or so, and I kept it off. I was a toned size 12 and averaged about 157 lbs. I felt better than I had ever felt in my life. Then Thanksgiving of my junior year arrived... no, I didn't demolish my family's turkey dinner. The Wednesday before Thanksgiving I fell and broke my ankle so badly that I had to have it surgically repaired. My ankle was never quite the same, and I never went to the gym regularly after that.
Very slowly over the years, I gained all of my weight back. I have yo-yoed a bit here and there. Some friends have been great influences, and others were my weight's worst enemy. Last year at this time I was doing very well. I was losing weight steadily by watching what I ate and exercising more often... and then Labor Day weekend, I found out that I was pregnant. My mission was no longer to lose weight, but to eat a healthy, well-balanced diet and to stay in shape. I worked out with a trainer once a week the entire time I was pregnant. I ate balanced meals and always took my vitamins. On March 16th, 2011 I delivered a beautiful and healthy baby girl. Over the course of my pregnancy, I gained 27 lbs., reaching my highest documented weight ever. I was 217 lbs. when I checked in at the hospital. I was confident, however, that I would continue working with my trainer and continue eating healthy foods and I'd lose all of my baby weight quickly and get back on track. I did exactly that... I had just 2 lbs. to go to reach my pre-pregnancy weight when my grandfather passed away at the end of May. That was just the beginning of a series of stressful events that made my exercise regimen and healthy eating habits go out the window...
So here I sit at 206 lbs. and gearing up for another season of The Biggest Loser. But rather than just watch the contestants lose pound after pound, I have decided to finally do what I've put off for years. I am going to overhaul my diet, exercise regularly and deal with the emotional issues that have affected me over the years. I am determined to be a good example for my daughter. I don't want her to struggle the way that I've struggled with my weight since my teens. I know that it won't be easy. I know that many tears will be shed along the way. I decided that since journaling is supposed to be a great tool for weight loss, why not let my readers follow along? I know that there are plenty of other people out there who struggle with their weight. Who knows, maybe I'll actually inspire someone else.
I invite you now to join me on my own personal weight-loss journey...
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| 2 Days before my delivery, 217 lbs. |
